Coming Home
If you’re someone who’s been following my adventures and whereabouts lately, you may have already figured it out. Maybe you even figured it out before I did: in a couple of weeks, we’re moving from Florida to the mountains of North Carolina.
Now that we’ve made the decision, I’m aware of a feeling of coming home. Not for any rational reason I understand - as a Texan, I’ve always felt much more a Westerner than an Easterner. I don’t have history in North Carolina, nor family; and my wonderful friends there are mostly new friends. The traditional music still sounds a bit strange to my ears, and I don’t think I could clog if I had to. But still I have a feeling of Coming Home.
So I’ve been asking myself, what is Home? Clearly it’s more than geography, more than a structure. It’s even more than familiar people and circumstances. I bet you’ve had times when you were physically in the place you call home, but inwardly you didn’t feel at home at all. So what is it inside us that creates the experience of “home?” What is it that welcomes us, comforts us, holds us, protects us? I’m pretty sure the answer lies in that old cliché “Home is where the heart is.” I don’t mean the emotional heart - the one that can be broken, but rather that inner seat of wisdom and unconditional loving (which might also be considered soul, spirit, higher self, inner master, or a religious being who guides you). When I am consciously in my heart, I am home, no matter where my body might be. When I’m accepting what is, when I’m loving in spite of a host of reasons not to, when I’m accountable, grateful, and forgiving regardless of what besets me, that’s the very essence of feeling at home. When I let go and let my heart guide me, I feel supported, nurtured and protected. That’s home.
One day when Peter and I were all tied in knots about the logistics, finances and (im)practicalities of buying this new house in this new part of the world, I came across this:
“(T)hink about what your attitude would be if you knew there is a place already prepared for you, a place that is your rightful home. It is a place kept safe and sacred for you until you are ready to accept that it exists and are ready to move toward it. You know you’ll be welcomed there by the most loving being you can imagine.”
Obviously he was not writing about a house in the mountains of North Carolina - or anywhere else. He was writing about my heart/spirit/soul being my home. My heart leapt for joy on on being reminded that my perfect home already exists, as soon as I accept it and move toward it. I silently yelled “YES!” when I read the last line: “Wouldn't your attitude include elements of gratitude, enthusiasm, peace, and loving? Wouldn't you be so grateful to know you are coming home?” Yes, I would. And yes, I am. We can buy the house or not buy the house, move or not move, and my inner home will always be home.
However, I’m still learning. And since we ARE buying the house and moving, I’m well aware that in the coming days, I might get all caught up in the design, decor, space, location, smells, sounds and expense of our new house. But if I am true to my truest self, I will remember that it is my inner consciousness that makes a place feel like home, not the other way around. I will remember to allow the inner space of love and wisdom to create the outer space in its image, and not expect the other way around. I will be grateful, knowing that I am already at home, where my heart is.